Monday, November 03, 2008

downturn to infinity

Seemed like, the drawings we made kept matching. Cogwheel suns, Japanese Flag suns, shortcake wheels, picking up my heels in the brick lane and firing up - we were powder-kegs. And yet I had a lot of fun every day.

Why am I writing what I can't say to you? Why am I summoning the massed "other you" to your graveside to listen and to endorse me, that's exactly how guys are, each reflecting for example "As far as I am concerned, it positively reeks of accuracy"...

You know how I felt driving home that night. The roads were dark and grainy. Snowfall's lights are amazing, but all the same things came at me suddenly. On the dual carriageway I saw the biggest dead badger and it was, you know, the kind you look away from. Curtis was with me and he said you can see the pyjamas. I told him I didn't like that expression. I couldn't shake it though. The hare lay like a slipper-sock in the road and Bambi drooped up against the verge, staring with his blind eye.

Five miles later I saw another one. It was in bits across both lanes. The trees are all thin now, the dogs next door won't stop barking. I thought of all my near-misses recently and how that guy blundered through the trees at me when I went for a wee at the galleries, and I had one of those moments when I suddenly realized that science fiction isn't fiction, that it's now. And the rest, the cottage-garden life we construct, Snowfall's MOT, Julia's leaving do, Florida, Little Dorrit, pay by direct debit, - that's all what we're making up, so as not to know. My life covered my eyes. It had been going on a long time.

We ate under a blue awning at dockside, and you were being witty, you have an excellent sense of humour. It serves you well, you really need it because you are so afraid.


Post a Comment

<< Home

Powered by Blogger